Not my timing, but yours…

“Though he slay me, I will hope in him”

‭‭Job‬ ‭13:15‬a

Many times over the last few years I have considered this little snippet of scripture. Sometimes while teaching a lesson on the sovereignty of God, or considering my sin in comparison to His eternal goodness, or simply recognizing that I am His creation/soldier/son to will and to do of His good pleasure. I have considered challenges, illnesses or even persecution’s and in my hubris thought, “yeah, I would respond that way. Though He slay me yet will I trust Him.” I realized last week, I have never once allowed for “though He slay HER, yet will I trust Him.” There is something about being a man that we can consider ourselves being sacrificed and see it as noble, tough, even our duty. But as I consider the potential loss of my wife, or the loss of a child…it becomes so much more real. The tears come fast and easy. Finding the joy of the Lord is hard; hope seems so distant. How shallow of me to be willing to give of myself, but not to give of what I love so dearly. In a way, giving my own life costs me nothing – and I am reminded of David’s insistence that he would not give what cost him nothing. So, while I am confident in Kim’s diagnosis and treatment plan and know that this should not take her life – I will spend these months trying to learn to say and believe that “though He slay her/them, yet will I trust Him.”